update

Things have been trundling along at quite some pace really, we're 3 months in since forever family day today and i can't quite believe it. I don't really remember what life was like before kids but i do miss certain snippets that are fast disappearing.

Big is doing much better at the minute. I'm not sure if they're doing better generally or if we're getting better and dealing with stuff and not letting it escalate. School is going really very well! They love their school and are making lots of friends and being invited to lots of parties (cue lots of anxiety from us about photos etc) and other kids are saying hello more and more on the walk home.

The only thing Big is struggling with at school at the minute is playing. They'll approach a group of kids to play with and need instant and unconditional acceptance and reassurance or you'll find them stood at the side of things looking in or wandering off. School are being brilliant though and putting support in place to help.

We're getting a few old habits creeping back in at the moment but we think father's day is having a lot to do with that. Big in particular is expecting to send cards and presents to BD as they did when they were in foster care but obviously that won't be happening. We're planning a chat about it tomorrow to clarify some things. Big also is fantasising a lot about BPs and the things that happened when they were with them. One day there wasn't a lot of food (Little and their histories confirming it) the next day it'll be, "we did have food. My x/y/z had food." It's tough, they both need to hear a blunt version of the truth but they aren't yet ready and when we don't have life story books, it's really difficult.

Little is swapping between toddler and teenager at the minute. Sometimes we have the most wonderful little human on our hands but a lot of the time we have the terrible twos in a child that is no where near 2. It's hard and it's worked it's way into school but we're all doing the same things and they're responding well.

Other than that Little is doing really well. I say that but this week we've had hay fever, potentially asthma and potentially impetigo. 2 trips to the doctors and Big is pissed off about it, they just don't realise that having to go to the doctors isn't good thing.

The thing that is striking us as the most difficult at the minute is that Little gets stuff better than Big. the difference in the intellectual maturity between them is astonishing. Big is a classic example of an adopted child, you name it and we see it in them. Little is the 'average' child who does have some stuff going on but it's nothing like what we see with Big. Little let's things go appropriately but Big is completely hyper vigilant with everything and everyone but them to the point where they've had 2 major wee accidents in the last week. None before this.

We're definitely getting there though, we seem to be getting more and more in tune with them with each day that passes. I'm getting some daft Mum sort of instincts kicking in, i went shopping for a new top for me and came back with loads of stuff for them and nothing for me etc.

I feel like i'm starting to become a mum, how long it will actually take or last, i don't know. Thing's are getting easier though and i'm happy. Everyday isn't a struggle anymore, we live week to week unless something happens and then we only seem to go down to day to day. it's good. And you know what, we're feeling just about ready to apply for the order, we just need some stuff to be in place first.