That may seem like a weird title to a blog post but since we started the process, age is something that has come up more and more.
Everyone we've told that we're hoping to adopt has asked about the age of the children we're interested in and when we say that we're thinking of up to the age of 7, theres 2 responses. The first is, "Oh but wouldn't you just prefer a baby??" and the other is, "But why 7?"
The first is a little annoying at worst but we explain that a baby isn't the be all and end all of parenting and they get it.
The second is a little more to do with our age. I'm still in my (late) 20s and my wife is only just in her 30s. If we had a child that was older, we're worried that they would feel even more out of place initially and then struggle more with attachment etc because of it.
Plus, if we turn up to school with a 10 year old, there'll be even more questions than there will have been anyway. The playground can be a very cliquey place anyway, we just don't want to add extra strain especially for a child that has been through the mill already. I'm not saying that this sort of stuff won't be an issue with a slightly younger child but i'm hoping it won't be as much of an issue.
Staying on the subject of our age, i feel young! The adoption circles seem to be mainly populated by people who are 35+ and each time i talk to people or see people at our agency, i'm feeling very aware of the fact that i'm a 20 something still.
Our agency haven't mentioned it at all and the fact that we've been together for over 10 years helps a lot but i'm still very aware of it. I'm hoping our maturity helps too, we've both been described as 'wiser than our years' since we were small.
I'm not sure whether being younger is going to go in our favour or not but i hope it does. After all, age isn't everything.
Tuesday 29 April 2014
Tuesday 22 April 2014
My Pre Adoption Bucket list...
I was on twitter last night and the conversation came up about enjoying certain activities whilst you can before children move in.
That might sound a bit weird if you didn't catch the conversation but hopefully, when you see my list, you'll understand.
1) Enjoy going to the toilet in peace.
2) Enjoy showering without an audience.
3) Enjoy lie ins where possible.
4) Enjoy the quietness of the house.
5) Be more spontaneous.
6) Make more time for each other.
7) Go to as many gigs/shows as possible.
8) Declutter.
9) Go to the cinema more.
10) Go out for dinner as much as possible.
11) Spend lots of time with family and friends.
12) Watch as many films that aren't suitable for children as possible.
13) Watch as many TV series that aren't suitable for children as possible.
14) Read everything you can get your hands on.
15) Improve your fitness.
16) Make the most of the house being empty when it comes to getting out of the shower.
17) As above but enjoying each others company... 😉
18) Spend more time in the countryside.
19) Watch the ISS go over more often.
20) Laugh lots.
21) Spend more time in the garden.
22) Go on holiday.
23) Make plans for your last few child free weeks.
24) Think about Christmas and make plans to spend as much of it with family and friends. It may be the last Christmas you can for a while.
25) Work more now so that you don't have to when the children move in.
26) More training with the dogs.
I'm sure that there will be more added to the list over time but i think it's a pretty good list to start from!
Saturday 19 April 2014
The case of the medical and the superhero pants...
Oh my word was that a nightmare!
I booked in no problems. I was told that it would take 45 minutes at most so blocked an hour and half out in my diary.
I got to the surgery early and expected to see a doctor that i had never seen before and i was right. He was lovely but had never done an adoption medical.
This was where the issues started. He went through the pleasantries and said how weird it was that this stuff had to be done for people that were adopting but anyone could have a baby at any point without the slightest batting of an eyelid.
He went through all of the basics of the form and detailed my history before getting to the nitty gritty bit. By this point, i'd already been there for the best part of an hour.
Next came the onslaught of weird test after weird test. I know they were weird because he said, "I haven't done this since medical school!" at least 3 or 4 times.
The weirdest, by far, was when he asked me to flash him. He needed to check the shape of my chest so asked me to stand in front of him and raise my top....if he wasn't a doctor, i would have to call him a pervert.
The most embarrassing part was when he had to check my glands. He explained that you have glands in your next, armpits and groin. Next thing i had to do was drop my pants and get on the bed...again with the 'if he wasn't a doctor' thing.
I dutifully dropped my jeans and got on the bed, completely forgetting that i had wonder woman pants on and didn't remember until i got home. I'm sure he'll remember that if i ever have to see him again!
It came to taking my blood pressure. At this point i have been in with the doctor for an hour and 15 minutes and i'm about to be late for work. Obviously, it's high. Not scary high but much higher than it should be. At this point we agree that we don't have enough time to finish off today so book another appointment for the following week to finish off.
The morning of the appointment, i find out my Mum had been mugged the evening before. I then realised (as i got to the surgery) that i had forgotten to bring any money with me. Bang goes the blood pressure again!!
My blood pressure was much better than the previous week but it was still higher than it should be so although it's not a problem for the form, i have been told to got to see a nurse next month just to get it checked again.
In the meantime i am going to be exercising more and watching what i eat more, i don't want this to turn into a problem that i could and should have prevented.
On a lighter note, the doctor let me take my form there and then so i took it down to the agency straightaway.
I booked in no problems. I was told that it would take 45 minutes at most so blocked an hour and half out in my diary.
I got to the surgery early and expected to see a doctor that i had never seen before and i was right. He was lovely but had never done an adoption medical.
This was where the issues started. He went through the pleasantries and said how weird it was that this stuff had to be done for people that were adopting but anyone could have a baby at any point without the slightest batting of an eyelid.
He went through all of the basics of the form and detailed my history before getting to the nitty gritty bit. By this point, i'd already been there for the best part of an hour.
Next came the onslaught of weird test after weird test. I know they were weird because he said, "I haven't done this since medical school!" at least 3 or 4 times.
The weirdest, by far, was when he asked me to flash him. He needed to check the shape of my chest so asked me to stand in front of him and raise my top....if he wasn't a doctor, i would have to call him a pervert.
The most embarrassing part was when he had to check my glands. He explained that you have glands in your next, armpits and groin. Next thing i had to do was drop my pants and get on the bed...again with the 'if he wasn't a doctor' thing.
I dutifully dropped my jeans and got on the bed, completely forgetting that i had wonder woman pants on and didn't remember until i got home. I'm sure he'll remember that if i ever have to see him again!
It came to taking my blood pressure. At this point i have been in with the doctor for an hour and 15 minutes and i'm about to be late for work. Obviously, it's high. Not scary high but much higher than it should be. At this point we agree that we don't have enough time to finish off today so book another appointment for the following week to finish off.
The morning of the appointment, i find out my Mum had been mugged the evening before. I then realised (as i got to the surgery) that i had forgotten to bring any money with me. Bang goes the blood pressure again!!
My blood pressure was much better than the previous week but it was still higher than it should be so although it's not a problem for the form, i have been told to got to see a nurse next month just to get it checked again.
In the meantime i am going to be exercising more and watching what i eat more, i don't want this to turn into a problem that i could and should have prevented.
On a lighter note, the doctor let me take my form there and then so i took it down to the agency straightaway.
Tuesday 8 April 2014
Stage One and being a 'lady partner'
It's official!! We're in stage one!!!
We got the confirmation last Thursday and it's been full steam ahead ever since.
Our referees all received their forms and letters on Saturday, they've all started them and they've all asked to have a chat with us about them to give them the information to fill in any blanks.
I have my medical booked and my wife is booking hers in the next couple of days. Her doctors surgery has been a bit of a nightmare!
The receptionist wouldn't book her in until she'd seen the form. Once she saw the form she sent her away because she hadn't yet filled anything in and the woman that knows what to do with it wasn't it. She filled it in and called ahead of going in and spoke to the correct woman. She told her to bring the form in and they'll take it from there.
She went in after work that night and was almost jumped on by the woman in the know! She knew who she was and kept saying, 'Oh it's so lovely, i'm so proud of you!!" again and again. Then she asked for my form and when she explained that i'm at another doctors she was happy with that. She then turned to the receptionist and said, "oh isn't it lovely, *name* and her lady partner, oh i'm so proud of them!"
Wife left giggling, knowing that i would just love the new term!
We got the confirmation last Thursday and it's been full steam ahead ever since.
Our referees all received their forms and letters on Saturday, they've all started them and they've all asked to have a chat with us about them to give them the information to fill in any blanks.
I have my medical booked and my wife is booking hers in the next couple of days. Her doctors surgery has been a bit of a nightmare!
The receptionist wouldn't book her in until she'd seen the form. Once she saw the form she sent her away because she hadn't yet filled anything in and the woman that knows what to do with it wasn't it. She filled it in and called ahead of going in and spoke to the correct woman. She told her to bring the form in and they'll take it from there.
She went in after work that night and was almost jumped on by the woman in the know! She knew who she was and kept saying, 'Oh it's so lovely, i'm so proud of you!!" again and again. Then she asked for my form and when she explained that i'm at another doctors she was happy with that. She then turned to the receptionist and said, "oh isn't it lovely, *name* and her lady partner, oh i'm so proud of them!"
Wife left giggling, knowing that i would just love the new term!
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