Our children came to us with no known food issues. There was never any indication that they had ever been without food, i'd even go as far to say as there seemed to be too much.
Shortly after they moved in Little started eating toothpaste and alarm bells started ringing. We soon realised that neither of them would chew their food and that if there was food around, neither of them could relax. We began to think that they had definitely not been fed consistently especially after Big started eyeing up the scraps after having eaten a huge Sunday Dinner. We went to a party with your standard buffet food and before long they were stealing stuff constantly.
We mentioned our concerns to our social worker and Voldemort but it was only our social worker that showed any sort of concern. Eventually our SW decided to tell Voldemort that she believes that the children had had lots of food for a very limited time then had to go without for days/weeks on end. Voldemort then responds with, "yeah, that's exactly how it was." Nothing is mentioned in the CPRs at all.
This was when we decided to go behind Voldermorts back and try something that our agency had told us about all through our training.
Basically, we got a small cool bag (the sort you'd have for an individual picnic) and took the kids to the supermarket and allowed them to choose things that didn't need cooking, no sweets, no chocolate and no crisps. Once we got home we filled the bags as full as we possibly could by taking everything out of the wrappers and explained to them both that this is their food. They don't share anything, swap anything, the don't need to ask to have it, they can have as much or as little as they want at any given time. From that moment on we ignored the existence of the box until it needed refilling.
The first day, Big sat and ate for almost 3 hours solid after having a normal lunch. It didn't take long before the sick bucket came out and the nausea started. 5 minutes with their head in the bucket and it was back to eating without having thrown up. This 5 minutes on, 5 minutes off cycle for the next hour or so. Then it was time for dinner. Big's face was a picture, the thought of having to eat a full meal seemed to scare them!!
We encouraged them both to eat their meals normally saying things like, "we're a bit worried because you've not eaten much today" etc. We told school all about it when they went back (the box stayed at home and was only available whilst they were home) the next day and explained why we were doing it. They were incredibly supportive.
Little started to get bored of it first but we always knew that it would work that way. After about 5 days it was only at night that they would want it out and it would only last a few minutes.
Big took about an extra week. We realised that it was only last thing at night and first thing in the morning that they would want it so we started saying that we'll see them in the morning for breakfast whilst we were wishing them goodnight. The very next night Big announced that they didn't want it tonight and gave it to Wife to take downstairs. We were in total shock.
We then took some advice from our agency about how to remove it. We didn't want to phase it out because the theory was that it was always full but we didn't want to surprise them with it not being there. We were advised to talk to them about how they don't seem to want it at the minute so we're going to put it away and if it feels too strange then we can always bring it back.
We did that on Thursday which was day 19 and so far neither of them have been too bothered. Big has been a little anxious about where it is but hasn't wanted it.
It's been a bit of a rollercoaster, the initial few days really got to us both. Absolutely no idea how they didn't throw up after eating for so long, seeing them doing it made us both feel so ill. We got so angry with it but it wasn't anger aimed at the kids, for the first time since they came home it was anger at their BPs.
At one point Big had left the lid open and because the food had got warm, some stuff had started to go furry. Big wasn't bothered, they were sat in bed with both hands full of food eating without thinking about what it was. They were pretty much forgetting to breathe and only gasping for air every minute or so. What the hell happened for them to want to do that?!
We're much better off for it, the kids have responded really well and are hopeful going to continue and if not, we'll just bring it out again.
Sunday 26 July 2015
Saturday 4 July 2015
Fighting for Support
Last week our social worker made an official request for theraplay for us as a family. To say that the LA were shocked would be an understatement. Apparently, (despite our social worker updating all involved after every meeting and message with or from us) there is absolutely no need for it and it was an absolute no.
After receiving that email our social worker decided that the best thing to do would be to call them and have a chat about it all. From what our social worker told us, it descended into absolute chaos almost immediately. The therapeutic support woman repeatedly spoke over her, wouldn't let her explain our side and said that there was absolutely no reason to believe that Big and Little need any sort of additional support at this time. Our SW said that when she put the phone down, she actually screamed.
Fast forward to this week and the manager of our agency rings up the LA and demands a professionals meeting after having a phone call from the TS woman's manager. That meeting happened on Thursday just before the LAC review.
We were asked to attend after things had been discussed. When we got there it had been decided that the way forwards is to assess the children's attachment type with each of us and either get us to work on what we already have to develop it further or to help us gain new skills that will help us to help them and make it easier for us all overall. That then has the potential to follow on to theraplay. They are also going to do some direct work with Big and Little on life story work, personal space, road sense and stranger danger.
The TS manager has said that she will send us details of some courses that offer a very practical approach to parenting traumatised children.
It all sounds good, if nothing else we are actually being acknowledged. If it wasn't for our agency, i'm not sure how we would have got to this point, they are fighting for us every step of the way.
During the meeting it was noted that Big and Little's social worker wasn't paying attention. In fact, she was looking out of the window and writing a report about something different all together. How the hell can we be expected to work with someone like that??
When we arrived we were told about everything and then we were handed life story books to have a quick look through now and take home. I went through about 10 pages of Big's and pointed out mistakes on each page. Now i have a memory for dates and ages so when it said that BM was x years old when Big was born and i know that she wasn't i flagged it up. Voldemort (as she's more commonly known) instantly snapped "It's right, i worked it out." i held my tongue as much as i could and reasonably quickly responded with, "Well you didn't work it out very well because it's wrong." And you know what, it is!! stupid woman. After that TS said that they would send the originals through on email for us to edit and send back so that they could re print and laminate everything for us.
The LAC review went well, the thing that made us both really happy was how amazing school are. Every single thing we've been telling and have told the LA school then said without prompt or knowing that we'd said it. Our SW is amazed by how fantastic school is. They know what they're doing, they know their stuff and they are doing everything they can to get what they need to help our children thrive.
When we got home that evening we looked at the later life letters and realised that there's at least 1 significant mistake in there and there's definite information missing.
The following evening i started looking through the LSBs to edit them....in short, they are shit. 104 pages between them and 62 pages edited. Some of the main reasons for removal and half of the story are missing. These are documents that have apparently been checked over by multiple professionals that know Big and Little's history. Quite frankly it's disgusting and as a result we've decided to do it ourselves and we will be sending an email detailing our reasoning behind it and slating the LA.
Since the LAC review, Big and Little have been absolutely awful. This is the worst few days for a while now and i am completely and utterly sick of being a Mum tonight. I miss being relaxed, i miss the woman that shouted probably once every 3 or 4 months. I miss quality time with my Wife. I know it'll pass but right now i'm just completely fed up of the stress of having to deal with an entire organisation who refuse to do their jobs unless you pull out the big guns.
After receiving that email our social worker decided that the best thing to do would be to call them and have a chat about it all. From what our social worker told us, it descended into absolute chaos almost immediately. The therapeutic support woman repeatedly spoke over her, wouldn't let her explain our side and said that there was absolutely no reason to believe that Big and Little need any sort of additional support at this time. Our SW said that when she put the phone down, she actually screamed.
Fast forward to this week and the manager of our agency rings up the LA and demands a professionals meeting after having a phone call from the TS woman's manager. That meeting happened on Thursday just before the LAC review.
We were asked to attend after things had been discussed. When we got there it had been decided that the way forwards is to assess the children's attachment type with each of us and either get us to work on what we already have to develop it further or to help us gain new skills that will help us to help them and make it easier for us all overall. That then has the potential to follow on to theraplay. They are also going to do some direct work with Big and Little on life story work, personal space, road sense and stranger danger.
The TS manager has said that she will send us details of some courses that offer a very practical approach to parenting traumatised children.
It all sounds good, if nothing else we are actually being acknowledged. If it wasn't for our agency, i'm not sure how we would have got to this point, they are fighting for us every step of the way.
During the meeting it was noted that Big and Little's social worker wasn't paying attention. In fact, she was looking out of the window and writing a report about something different all together. How the hell can we be expected to work with someone like that??
When we arrived we were told about everything and then we were handed life story books to have a quick look through now and take home. I went through about 10 pages of Big's and pointed out mistakes on each page. Now i have a memory for dates and ages so when it said that BM was x years old when Big was born and i know that she wasn't i flagged it up. Voldemort (as she's more commonly known) instantly snapped "It's right, i worked it out." i held my tongue as much as i could and reasonably quickly responded with, "Well you didn't work it out very well because it's wrong." And you know what, it is!! stupid woman. After that TS said that they would send the originals through on email for us to edit and send back so that they could re print and laminate everything for us.
The LAC review went well, the thing that made us both really happy was how amazing school are. Every single thing we've been telling and have told the LA school then said without prompt or knowing that we'd said it. Our SW is amazed by how fantastic school is. They know what they're doing, they know their stuff and they are doing everything they can to get what they need to help our children thrive.
When we got home that evening we looked at the later life letters and realised that there's at least 1 significant mistake in there and there's definite information missing.
The following evening i started looking through the LSBs to edit them....in short, they are shit. 104 pages between them and 62 pages edited. Some of the main reasons for removal and half of the story are missing. These are documents that have apparently been checked over by multiple professionals that know Big and Little's history. Quite frankly it's disgusting and as a result we've decided to do it ourselves and we will be sending an email detailing our reasoning behind it and slating the LA.
Since the LAC review, Big and Little have been absolutely awful. This is the worst few days for a while now and i am completely and utterly sick of being a Mum tonight. I miss being relaxed, i miss the woman that shouted probably once every 3 or 4 months. I miss quality time with my Wife. I know it'll pass but right now i'm just completely fed up of the stress of having to deal with an entire organisation who refuse to do their jobs unless you pull out the big guns.
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