Anonymity

Something seems to have come up on twitter recently, both myself and someone else (i can't remember who it was) realised that even if you're account is locked, you can be tweeted by people who don't follow you.

This lead me to think about overall internet privacy especially in regards to adoption. I'm normally quite an open person and don't hide much but recently, i've become more and more aware of the impact that could have on our children. 

We don't know the background that our children come from and don't know how safe we will be to put details about them online in any form. We don't know who might be watching everything we tweet, what is there to stop a genuine birth parent from posing as an adopter, getting talking to one of us and then discovering who you are just because you've slipped up without thinking on a couple of things and then have them turn up on a twitter meet up that you invited them to where your children are there? 

That absolutely terrifies me, the children that we end up adopting are going to come from a situation that is at best detrimental to their health and development but could well be life threatening. 

It's a big 'if' when you're talking about these things but you just don't know who knows who, how many times have you seen a friend talking to someone on Facebook that you know from a completely different social circle? What if one of their friends is a friend of a birth parent? Especially if you adopt through a fairly local authority, these things can and i'm sure do happen.

We've decided between us that we won't be announcing the genders of our children, their ages or birthdays, any of their physical features, no pictures from the neck up (maybe even not at all), no names, basically nothing that can be used to identify them. 

The same goes for us though, we won't tell people on twitter anything recognisable about us unless we actually meet them. No jobs, no birthdays, no anniversaries, no 'we're going to see X in concert tonight', no mention of the region we live in, no mention of the name of our agency, as little as possible. 

The risk to our children is just too great, lots of chance things have to come together for anyone significant to find us but it's possible. Nothing on the internet is ever safe and as the most basic thing,  it'll be our job as parents to make sure that our children are.

Technology and children

If you could go back in time and stop the internet from being invented, would you?

This may seem like a preachy and slightly hypocritical post but i assure you, it's not intended to be read that way. It's purely my opinion and comment on technology in a modern society.

I love my tech. I love that i have so much power in the palm of my hand that with just a few taps on a keyboard, i can find out just about anything about anything at pretty much the same time as ordering a gift, paying my bills and booking a table at a restaurant.

The internet has opened the world up to more possibilities than ever before and that is a truly remarkable thing.

My issue is that i don't think enough people respect it. I don't think people talk about the negatives enough and i certainly don't think people are protecting their children from the dangers.

This isn't a comment on the high profile issues such as grooming and cyber bullying (although i'm not trying to play the down, this just isn't the post to be raising that discussion), this is more subtle than that.

When i was a child, i wouldn't dare ask my parents or grandparents for anything that would cost any more than about £50 and that would be pushing it but that apparently doesn't cut it anymore. A few weeks ago when i logged onto Facebook a friend of mine had put a picture up of her 3 year old sons birthday presents.

She bought him an iPad air and printer.

What the hell does a 3 year old need an iPad for??! Seriously.

It really has sparked something in me. No child needs a tablet and yet this seems to be the norm, more and more children are being given these overly expensive gifts before they have any concept of what they cost. More and more parents are feeling pressured to provide these things for their children despite struggling to pay their bills.

All this comes at a price, the more kids get, the more they expect. First it's a games console, next it's a tablet, by the time they're 8 or 9, they expect £500 phones. They don't learn what it means to be able to have these things, it becomes something insignificant.

On top of that, so many kids become obsessed with the internet and games etc to the point where they are seriously lacking in even the most basic of social skills and are constantly demanding the familiar sight and feel of a tablet or phone in their hands.

I'm not completely against a child having access to the internet and the tech that comes with it but i think it needs to be moderated properly. It shouldn't be an all day thing, they shouldn't be given the tablet etc to babysit them.

I'm hoping that when the time comes, our children will have a good understanding of the internet but won't rely on it to pacify them. I'm hoping that the same will be said for TV. I'm hoping that we will be able to encourage them to enjoy their childhoods and to be silly and to use their imaginations. To enjoy being outside and playing games and running around just because they can.

I don't want my children to become tech zombies. I want them to live.

To answer my own question, as much as i love the internet and all the positive things that come with it (the blogging community and twitter support for starters!), i would absolutely do it. Without a shadow of a doubt. Children need to be children and i honestly think that the internet is slowly but surely forcing them to grow up way too early.